vanillajello | Room 324, Thursday Morning

Fire. There's someone on fire. But Kate can't see who it is until the figure turns around and it's her but not her but her and she's standing there and the flames lick up her arms and she's on fire but then it's Mitchell, wild-eyed with a fire inside, and it's Hannibal and the flames go from hot to cold from hot to cold in time with his eyes, and then it's Jack and Emma and Karla and Sebastien and David and Bod and Marshall and Max and Tara --

And then it's Annie, serene calm beautiful Annie like that time in the cellar, and everything stops for a single awful second as she smiles.

And then the flames swallow her up and there's nothing but the fire.

-----

Kate had been very, very glad to not wake up screaming. She had been very glad to wake up, period. Her subconscious was not the place to be right now, her dreams had made that abundantly clear. She'd had no trouble getting out of bed since she'd craved a cold shower to fully wake her up and make sure nothing lingered on.

After the shower, she'd changed her clothes, put on some music, opened the door, made her bed and then flopped down on it with a notebook to make plans for a third floor welcome she wasn't sure she'd even organize.

Saturday wasn't shaping up to be a day to be bubbly and welcoming.

[ooc: Open post, open door. ETA: I would like to call all Mitchell stuff NFB, please and thank you!]

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"And I know that and that's why I didn't bring it up," Bod replied, shaking his head. "I know things are different but I cannot help how things strike me. I disagreed with you but I'd rather not get into it because the worlds are different and I'd just rather not argue."

"I'm not arguing," Kate said, and shook her head. "I'm not saying your point of view is less valid than mine, or trying to convince you to think like me. I'm not even raising my voice."

"Perhaps I should go," Bod said, thoroughly embarrassed and confused now. He rubbed at his forehead, trying to get the headache to go away before trying to climb off her bed. "I've caused enough damage and I'm probably going to keep doing that."

Kate blinked a few times, then tilted her head. "So that's two people in as many days wanting to walk away from me because I'm not dealing well enough," she noted, tone very mild indeed. "I wonder who won't want to deal with me tomorrow."

"Kate, I'm embarrassed and confused," he said, shaking his head. "This isn't about how you're dealing, this is about what I've done. I don't want you to have to deal with me and I'd rather take myself away before I do anything else wrong."

Edited 2011-06-30 22:36 (UTC)

"Yeah well guess what, I don't want to be alone," Kate told him with a very firm shake of her head. "I was alone yesterday and it didn't work out for me. I'm sorry if I'm confusing you, but I think I'm clearly the only one here doing damage."

Bod didn't know what else to say that wasn't a retread of what he'd already said so he just took a few breaths and rubbed his forehead, trying to ward off the headaches and figure out what he was supposed to do here.

Kate wasn't sure she'd be entirely helpful in that. It seemed to be one of those weeks where things didn't go right no matter how she tried.

She was, however, going to try and put her arms around his neck for an awkward sort of hug as soon as it looked like she wasn't going to be interfering with what he was doing.

Bod hadn't expected a hug so he didn't immediately return it. Once he'd caught up and refocused, he slid one arm around her and embrace her as well, awkward but sincere.

Kate just really needed a hug, and she was finding it was best to just take one than to wait for it to happen. She sighed, leaning into him as much as she could considering their positions, her chin against his shoulder and her eyes closed.

Bod could give hugs if that's what she wanted. Really, he just wanted something to go right for her because it seemed like she was always picking up the pieces and he hated seeing that. She deserved happiness.

Well, she'd had a few really good days in Kansas; she supposed this had been inevitable.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess," she murmured. "This is just really shitty."

"I feel like I'm making it so much worse," Bod said, shrugging. "I don't know what to do. Everything I try just makes it worse. I'm doing more harm than good."

"You are not." She pulled back just to press her forehead against his. "You need to believe me on that point. Please. You're the only person I could think to have around me right now. I'm sorry I make it so difficult."

"I just don't know what to do," he said quietly, looking down and frowning. "I don't know how to make it better and I should know. I should know."

"I wish I could just give you a checklist," Kate sighed, quietly. "'Do these things and Kate's life gets magically fixed'. I would get you a laminated copy."

"I know," he sighed, eyes closing again. There was tension in his neck, a headache brewing in his temples and just exhaustion everywhere else.

"We could just cuddle," Kate offered softly. "We don't have to talk, since I apparently suck at it even when I try. And..." She had to blink a few times, feeling stinging in her eyes. "Annie would totally approve of cuddling."

And she just kind of really needed to be held.

"We can do whatever you'd like," Bod promised, nodding. "I just don't want to upset you further. I don't want to cause you more hurt than you already have."

"You couldn't," Kate replied, urging him to slide further down on the bed. "You would basically have to say shit you'd never say to do that."

"All right," he said, sliding lower until he was nearly flat on his back and could gesture for her to come closer to him. "I love you. I don't care if you're impossible. Come here."

"Bossy," Kate murmured, softly, a tired attempt at a joke as she moved closer to half sprawl over him.

"Yes, I am," he said and started a slow stroking up and down her back. "Shush. No more talking now, all right? No more. I'm just going to hold you and we'll relax and just...decompress."

"Okay," Kate sighed, closing her eyes again. "Okay." And she meant it. The tension would take a while to dissolve but it was a start, and she had one last thing to say.

"But just one more thing: this," she said quietly. "When in doubt, do this."

"I'll do my best," he said and closed his eyes, sighing. He didn't think he'd be sleeping or even dozing but he didn't want to rest to at least try and get himself straightened out.

Hopefully it wouldn't be too hard to do that. Hopefully.

Room 324, Thursday Morning

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