Room 324, Thursday Morning

[vanillajello]

Fire. There's someone on fire. But Kate can't see who it is until the figure turns around and it's her but not her but her and she's standing there and the flames lick up her arms and she's on fire but then it's Mitchell, wild-eyed with a fire inside, and it's Hannibal and the flames go from hot to cold from hot to cold in time with his eyes, and then it's Jack and Emma and Karla and Sebastien and David and Bod and Marshall and Max and Tara --

And then it's Annie, serene calm beautiful Annie like that time in the cellar, and everything stops for a single awful second as she smiles.

And then the flames swallow her up and there's nothing but the fire.

-----

Kate had been very, very glad to not wake up screaming. She had been very glad to wake up, period. Her subconscious was not the place to be right now, her dreams had made that abundantly clear. She'd had no trouble getting out of bed since she'd craved a cold shower to fully wake her up and make sure nothing lingered on.

After the shower, she'd changed her clothes, put on some music, opened the door, made her bed and then flopped down on it with a notebook to make plans for a third floor welcome she wasn't sure she'd even organize.

Saturday wasn't shaping up to be a day to be bubbly and welcoming.

[ooc: Open post, open door. ETA: I would like to call all Mitchell stuff NFB, please and thank you!]

Comments

[therewaslife]

"You always argue," Bod pointed out, shaking his head. "And you feel strongly about this and I don't want to put you through an argument right now. You're still too raw and too sad and I'd just rather not."

[vanillajello]

"Well maybe arguing is the only way I know how to talk," Kate replied, and it was both a little defensive and a little desperate. "Bod, I don't know what to do. You're protecting me from the one thing I would know how to do right now."

Yes, she recognized how messed up that was.

[therewaslife]

"You want to argue with me and possibly start a fight so you'll feel better and I'll possibly feel worse?" Bod asked, shaking his head. "I don't want to do that!"

[vanillajello]

"No!" Kate exclaimed, frowning. "I don't want to make you feel bad, God. I'm not trying to start a fight, really I'm not."

[therewaslife]

"You want me to argue with you!" Bod said, eyes wide. "I don't know what you hope to accomplish with that because arguing with you seriously never makes me feel good."

[vanillajello]

"I don't want to argue!" Ignore how she already was. "Okay? I just wanna feel like we're having a conversation because that whole silent thing... It just makes me feel like I'm alone, but with you."

[therewaslife]

"You agreed with me when I offered to be quiet earlier!" Bod pointed out, shaking his head. "I don't know what you want me to do, Kate. I can't read your mind and I don't want to keep upsetting you like I tend to do when you're upset."

[vanillajello]

"You know you've just decided I'm gonna get more upset," Kate replied, raising her eyebrows. "You do realize that, don't you? You're not even giving me a chance. I mean, what is it that you're so afraid of offending me with? That you find it an okay idea to become a ghost after you die?"

[therewaslife]

"No!" Bod said and shook his head. "I wouldn't have parents if there weren't ghosts. I would've been abandoned and probably killed if there weren't ghosts so hearing you say that you just want to die and just be gone hits me a little harder because I know how bad things could be if that had happened."

[vanillajello]

"Yeah, and I wasn't talking or -- thinking, really, from your world's perspective," Kate pointed out with a concentrated effort on being calm. "Bod, if someone could promise me things in my world work like they do in yours and not like they work in Mitchell's, then I... wouldn't mind it. A community is a different thing than being stuck in a house, alone."

[therewaslife]

"And I know that and that's why I didn't bring it up," Bod replied, shaking his head. "I know things are different but I cannot help how things strike me. I disagreed with you but I'd rather not get into it because the worlds are different and I'd just rather not argue."

[vanillajello]

"I'm not arguing," Kate said, and shook her head. "I'm not saying your point of view is less valid than mine, or trying to convince you to think like me. I'm not even raising my voice."

[therewaslife]

"Perhaps I should go," Bod said, thoroughly embarrassed and confused now. He rubbed at his forehead, trying to get the headache to go away before trying to climb off her bed. "I've caused enough damage and I'm probably going to keep doing that."

[vanillajello]

Kate blinked a few times, then tilted her head. "So that's two people in as many days wanting to walk away from me because I'm not dealing well enough," she noted, tone very mild indeed. "I wonder who won't want to deal with me tomorrow."

[therewaslife]

"Kate, I'm embarrassed and confused," he said, shaking his head. "This isn't about how you're dealing, this is about what I've done. I don't want you to have to deal with me and I'd rather take myself away before I do anything else wrong."

[vanillajello]

"Yeah well guess what, I don't want to be alone," Kate told him with a very firm shake of her head. "I was alone yesterday and it didn't work out for me. I'm sorry if I'm confusing you, but I think I'm clearly the only one here doing damage."

[therewaslife]

Bod didn't know what else to say that wasn't a retread of what he'd already said so he just took a few breaths and rubbed his forehead, trying to ward off the headaches and figure out what he was supposed to do here.

[vanillajello]

Kate wasn't sure she'd be entirely helpful in that. It seemed to be one of those weeks where things didn't go right no matter how she tried.

She was, however, going to try and put her arms around his neck for an awkward sort of hug as soon as it looked like she wasn't going to be interfering with what he was doing.

[therewaslife]

Bod hadn't expected a hug so he didn't immediately return it. Once he'd caught up and refocused, he slid one arm around her and embrace her as well, awkward but sincere.

[vanillajello]

Kate just really needed a hug, and she was finding it was best to just take one than to wait for it to happen. She sighed, leaning into him as much as she could considering their positions, her chin against his shoulder and her eyes closed.

[therewaslife]

Bod could give hugs if that's what she wanted. Really, he just wanted something to go right for her because it seemed like she was always picking up the pieces and he hated seeing that. She deserved happiness.

[vanillajello]

Well, she'd had a few really good days in Kansas; she supposed this had been inevitable.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess," she murmured. "This is just really shitty."

[therewaslife]

"I feel like I'm making it so much worse," Bod said, shrugging. "I don't know what to do. Everything I try just makes it worse. I'm doing more harm than good."

[vanillajello]

"You are not." She pulled back just to press her forehead against his. "You need to believe me on that point. Please. You're the only person I could think to have around me right now. I'm sorry I make it so difficult."

[therewaslife]

"I just don't know what to do," he said quietly, looking down and frowning. "I don't know how to make it better and I should know. I should know."