vanillajello | The Causeway, Sunday Evening

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The Causeway, Sunday Evening

Despite the progress she'd been making in a variety of things, walking around alone after sunset was still not something Kate was particularly fond of. She'd been pretty keen on spending time with Zach, though, so that meant it had already been dark when she'd made back east. And that... had quickly led to going through a mental list of options of what to do.

She'd picked calling Nathan before catching a cab back to the island. She had her reasons. And she also had a little brown bag of takeaway in hand when she stepped onto the causeway. Like she'd promised.

[ooc: For that one guy who could never ever protect her from an angry vampire or anything else, really.]

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"I don't have a problem with it," Nathan corrected, shaking his head. "If you want to sit and act like life's beaten you down to the point that you sound like my fucking asshole father, that's your choice. I just think you can do better. I mean, what's the point of life if you aren't going to make it your bitch?"

"Well, I think surviving it is a pretty good goal too," Kate replied dryly. "And my goals change with whatever happens to be going on. Sometimes they're set a little lower."

"So, why are you even still here?" Nathan asked, sincerely curious. "Why? You don't want to be here. Why haven't you run off to go attend knitting parties and get your country club membership?"

"I've only got like three months left until graduation," Kate shrugged again. "Too much of a hassle to start looking into graduating early or, God forbid, transfering back to my old school."

And she'd never be able to explain either to her parents.

"And here I'd labeled you a member of the non lame crowd," Nathan said, shaking his head. "What a disappointment to hear all this. For someone that talks herself up as often as you do, you're really shattering my world view here."

"Sorry to disappoint," she drawled, not meaning it one little bit. "I'm not out to impress you, Nathan. If I was, I wouldn't have asked you to come."

"I dunno, maybe I just thought you'd be better than what I'm hearing," Nathan said honestly, a little subdued. "Guess not."

"I did too," she replied, almost idly, but a little more quietly too, shoving her hands further into her pockets. "Guess not."

"And what the fuck is stopping you from changing it?" Nathan asked, glancing over at her. "And don't fucking blame the island, Kate. From what you just said, it's not the island, it's you."

"Well, the island doesn't help, either," Kate muttered, gaze somwhere near her feet now. "I'm just tired. Last year was a fucking struggle all the way, and I've lost almost everyone that made things better, and now... I don't know, I guess I just really wanna find something better for when I can leave."

Running is something that we've always done well, chimed in some annoying voice in the back of her mind.

"So, admit to me right now that you've given up," Nathan asked, glancing at her. "Admit that you're all talk and you've got no walk because you're tired and it's all about you. Come on."

Kate slanted a glance his way, striving for being impassive but coming up a bit short.

"Why?"

[Good night!]

"Because it's fucking true and I want to hear you admit it," Nathan said, walking ahead of her enough that he could circle around and stand in front of her. "Admit that you're all fucking talk and just put the final nail in the coffin that is your life on this island. Admit that you've given up and you're not as good as you fucking say you are. Maybe if you stop lying to yourself, you'll be able to get through the coming long months of self pity and self loathing a little quicker. Make me right. Come on."

[NIGHT!]

Edited 2011-01-23 23:55 (UTC)

Kate stopped when he stopped in front of her, though for a second or two she considered just brushing on past him because he was getting on her nerves now.

"Oh fuck you, Nathan," she said without any particular heat, even if there was a scowl on her face. "You don't even know what you're talking about."

"So, tell me I'm right," he said, standing his ground and watching her. "Tell me I'm right so you and my fucking dick of a father can be grouped in the same category. Check out on the fucking world because it's too hard and leave everyone else behind while you're at it."

All right, maybe there were a few other issues here she'd touched on just by wallowing in self pity and deciding that rolling over and saying uncle would just be easier.

"Why am I trying to give you a fucking pep talk?" he wondered after a minute, shaking his head and turning to start walking again. He didn't hurry away because he still wanted to walk with her since she'd asked. "Do what you want. I don't care."

Kate barely noticed she hadn't started moving again yet. She was somewhat flabbergasted things were turning out this way. But maybe she should have seen this coming. No one was as they first seemed.

"I never said I was giving up on everything, asshole," she called out after him. "But I've lost so many people and I'm stuck training to fight for my life and bribing guys with cheap fucking junk food just so I don't have to walk alone when it's dark. I'm trying."

Nathan stopped again and turned, hands still deep in his pockets. "One, that wasn't bribery, that was incentive. Two, chicken nuggets are only cheap because the entire world hasn't discovered their deliciousness yet. Three, life sucks for everyone, Kate. Are you really going to bend over and let it fuck you up the ass without a condom because you're tired? Come on!"

"It hurts less once you stop struggling," Kate shot back somewhat dryly, unable to stop herself. She paused after it, hands sliding out of her pockets so she could wrap her arms around herseld. "I don't know what I'm doing, okay? Half the time I just want to run away. Go to some stupid fucking motel and pretend forever."

"And running away is somehow going to provide you with the instructions for what to do?" Nathan asked, raising an eyebrow. "Really? Cuz, I've run away before and about all I learned is that a lot of homeless guys will give their remaining teeth for a blowjob from a nice, young bloke like me."

Ew. Nathan shuddered and shook his head.

Even Kate made a face at that. Ugh, unwanted mental images.

"I didn't say it was gonna provide any instructions," she replied, shaking her head. "It was just to escape. Disappear." She shrugged. "And before you decide to flaunt your intelligence by saying it doesn't work like that, because I'll still be stuck with me and there isn't a fake name that can change that, I know. That's why I'm not doing it, but sometimes I want to."

"Answer a question for us: why do you want to run away and be some fucking no one when you've established yourself here as someone?" Nathan wondered, curiously. "Has your reputation here been that thoroughly tarnished? Are the mean girls getting to you?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "I don't think I have a reputation, this school doesn't work like that. No mean girls either." She shrugged and looked away, pursing her lips. "That's not who I want to run from."

That wasn't who she was most angry at.

"And who do you want to run from, then?" Nathan asked since that seemed like the most logical question. "It can't be me. I'm fucking harmless. Feed me chicken nuggets and I'm practically your slave."

See Caroline, you didn't even have to use your freaky vampire powers to get him to do things.

"Me, Nathan," Kate said, somewhat calm now. Resigned, and not looking at him. "If I could run away from myself, I would. Can't believe you didn't figure that one out."

Nathan rolled his eyes. In actuality, he probably could have guessed that since that seemed to be the answer to all teenage angst. Everyone hated themselves. He knew that feeling.

"Why do you want to run away from yourself? That's some freaky existential shit right there. What about your life is so bad that you want to like...split your identity and become a science fiction movie?"

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