Room 324, Late(r) Monday Afternoon

[vanillajello]

Having put up her posters, Kate had returned to her room to continue her good day with further party planning. But that was sadly not to be: her phone had been charging while she'd been away and she'd finally gotten around to seeing she had a voicemail. So she listened to it.

Bad idea.

Her first thought was that it was a sick joke, that Nathan really was pushing things too far in an effort to be excused for his radio silence since leaving, but she couldn't hold onto that bit of disbelief for long. The woman – Nathan's mom – was far too shaken, the quivering of her voice far too real. It was all real. On the second listen Kate had to sit down on the edge of her bed because the room had started to spin, but it took about four times before it all started really sinking in.

Forcing herself to skip listening a fifth time, her brain instead switched on to practical matters, the first of which was leaving a voicemail of her own. And the second... Was staring dully into the middle distance.

She'd maybe get to something a little more useful later.

[ooc: Post and door open, if you wish to deal with the upset.]

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[vanillajello]

Kate closed her eyes tightly, brows knitting together.

"Try," she half sighed, voice heavy with everything she was holding back. "Please promise me you won't get killed."

It was an impossible promise to make, but she couldn't help wanting it anyway. Anyone could get ripped away from her, or so she felt.

[therewaslife]

"I'm not going to get killed," Bod said, bringing her back against him so he could hug her again. "It's not my time. I have some spiritual friends who might object to it happening so soon. I promise I won't die."

Bod knew it was a promise easily broken but he didn't care. She seemed to need to hear it and he was damn sure going to try and keep that promise.

[vanillajello]

Kate sighed again, raggedly this time. It was good to hear him say that, as empty a promise as it was. Nathan hadn't meant to die, either.

She buried her face against his neck again. "I miss him."

[therewaslife]

"You're allowed," he said gently, going back to rubbing her back and keeping her close. "I doubt you'll ever stop. And that's perfectly all right, Kate. It'll hurt. I'm here."

[vanillajello]

"I know," she said. "I know. I know." She drew in another unsteady breath. "He was like me, you know?"

[therewaslife]

"That's probably why you were friends," Bod said quietly. "You had a lot in common and you attracted each other. He was around when I wasn't. He helped you."

[vanillajello]

"He helped me," Kate agreed with what was barely more than a whisper. She could feel a few actual tears escape her, now. "He saw through me. And it was good."

[therewaslife]

"It was," he said, nodding and kissing her neck now. "I always wanted to thank him for that. I'm glad he was there for you and he didn't just look superficially. It's all right to cry, Kate. You're allowed."

[vanillajello]

"Don't say that," Kate choked out, ridiculously because yeah, she was kind of crying now. She was allowed, she knew that, she just had the stupid instinct to fight it.

But it was getting useless to fight.

[therewaslife]

"You need to get it out," Bod advised, a little relieved that he could hear her crying now. "It's all right. It's all right."

[vanillajello]

"It's not," Kate sobbed. Pointlessly, but it was all she had. Her whole body shuddered. "Nothing's all right."

[therewaslife]

"It's all right to cry," Bod said firmly, "but no, this situation isn't right. I understand that. You can cry though. You should cry or this is going to fester and hurt even more."

[vanillajello]

But I don't want it to be true and crying for it makes it true, Kate wanted to say, but didn't.

She sobbed against his chest, instead, clinging.

[therewaslife]

Bod said nothing else for the moment since she was crying now and all he really wanted to do was provide her somewhere to cry and hopefully convey that he was here and she could do that and he'd still be there. He held her tightly and shushed her quietly, letting her cry.

[vanillajello]

And Kate was taking the opportunity to cry, not that she had much of a choice. Every thought that flitted through her mind, every memory – drunken laughter, shared cigarettes, a walk on a beach – just made her cry harder, and she wanted it to stop but that option wasn't a viable one right now.

It would take a while, but at least she did know he was there for her right now.

[therewaslife]

He was there and he wasn't going anywhere. He wouldn't go anywhere until she needed time to herself and even then he figured she'd have to force him to leave. Right now, he was just holding onto her and whispering soothing words into her and telling her he loved her and he was sorry and he wished things could be different.

[vanillajello]

It was weird. Kate had already been mentally preparing herself to do this exact same thing for him, some time in the near future, for Katniss. To be the strong one, the one at a safe distance from the tragedy, murmuring and whispering and soothing.

And instead here she was, the weak one, the inconsolable. It really fucking sucked and she wanted to stop but she couldn't.

So his shirt was getting soaked. Again.

[therewaslife]

She really needed to stop worrying about his shirts. They would dry and he didn't care if they got soaked in the process of her grieving over the premature death of a friend.

One of his hands drifted into her hair and he massaged her scalp lightly, just trying to keep some sort of soothing contact with her while she cried. She wasn't weak. She was sad. And Bod thought it was perfectly deserved right now.

[vanillajello]

Responding to that, Kate curled her fingers into his shirt. He was there. She knew he was there.

Some of the trembling seemed to be slowly abating, the more severe shudders coming further apart. Not that it meant the crying was really going to stop; she was pretty sure it'd continue on and off for a good long while. It usually did, when she let it start.

[therewaslife]

"Do you want to lie down?" Bod asked her quietly, still holding her tight and still letting her soak his shirt as much as she wanted to.

[vanillajello]

Kate managed a nod against his neck, first, then a mumbled word that sounded heavy with tears. Ugh, she hated when her voice did that. "Yeah."

[therewaslife]

"All right," he said, trying to scoot backwards on her bed so he didn't have to let go of her though they'd both have to shift around some. "Come on. Let's lay down."

[vanillajello]

It was kind of obvious from her movements that she was shaken and a little uncoordinated, but she managed to move with him and shift so she could curl up a little more against his side once she was laying down.

"I hate this."

[therewaslife]

"I know, Kate," he said quietly, still rubbing her back and hair and arms and whatever else he could reach. "I know. You're in shock. You're grieving. There's nothing to not hate."

[vanillajello]

"I need to book a portal," she said, quietly, trying to cling to practical matters. "I already called Mitchell."