vanillajello | Room 324, Saturday Morning

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Room 324, Saturday Morning

Kate had... kind of intended to spend the night alone. That had been the original plan, at least, before a miniature freakout and being a fabulous fake and having to stand the sight of Caroline and ugh. Yet another plan of Kate's that had not gone quite as she'd originally thought it would.

She'd figure out how she felt about that later, maybe. Because right now she was still asleep, clinging to Nathan with an arm and a leg over him, pressed close against him despite the blankets spread over them. That was just her thing, minor neediness slipping out when she wasn't conscious enough to control it. It was a lot like another morning a month or so ago, probably, except they were presently decidedly more lacking in clothes and knew each other better in whole new ways.

And Fandom was being Fandom again, but that was not for them to know yet. They'd find out soon enough.

[ooc: Just for that one guy, and for that other smaller guy who'll cause a whole lot of emo despite being adorbs, and then probably that third guy with some more emo.]

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Bod's head snapped up at that and he didn't eve care if his eyes looked a little wet and red. He was just so tired of having his heart run over and kicked by her.

"I'm sorry, Kate, it's a little hard for me to be helpful after you've so bluntly admitted that a child of mine could ruin your weekend so thoroughly," he said, thankfully still sounding calm. "And I really don't want to hear an excuse because that's what you meant and we both know it. Forgive me but I'm trying despite feeling really quite awful right now."

Kate looked up, her expression cold because it had to be.

"I didn't say a child of yours did that. I said you did." To her, that wasn't an excuse, that was accuracy. She also knew it wasn't a nice thing to say, but then she wasn't feeling particularly good or nice either. "I didn't say he did. He-- he's fucking perfect. Don't put words in my mouth."

"Why shouldn't I do that?" Bod wondered, shaking his head. "Why? You've been doing it to me to the point that I think I'm the absolute worst person to be around. So, you're perfectly valid in your choices of demonizing me but if I do it, it just makes me even more the villain?"

He didn't understand. Of course he didn't.

Kate squared her shoulders, trying to steel herself against his words, her reactions, all of it. "I thought you weren't gonna do this with me today."

Bod shook his head and swiped a hand across his wet eyes, fighting off the tears and the urge to scream until he was hoarse. "I'm trying not to, Kate, but you're making it hard. You've made me feel like a monster. I think you're...names that I don't want to repeat right now, I've ruined your weekend, I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm a coward, I'm nothing."

He stopped his words and looked down again. "When you look at me, I feel like a monster. And it's awful and sad. I tried so hard to get away from that and now...it's constant."

Wow, ow. That... That really did sting. Just when she thought he couldn't make her feel any worse. It knocked the wind and the words out of her for a few moments.

"That is not my fault," she said then, a little quieter, hating the way her voice tried to break on the last syllable. "You are not a monster, and you never have been, and it is not my fault if you think that. It's not. You can't pin that on me."

"You're the only person who makes me feel like one," he replied, shaking his head and wiping at his eyes. His voice was quiet too. "If you can think back and remember all the things you've said to me since we ended things, I have a feeling you might be able to see why I feel this way."

Of course, Bod had no such expectations that she'd take the time to look back at the past with any sort of critical eye. That might mean thinking about things that she preferred avoiding.

"Please. Think back and remember what all you've said to me. I was the one had my heart broken and I've still refrained from being as cutting and mean as you've been to me."

"Yeah, sure, you were the only one whose heart was broken," Kate muttered half aloud, looking down at the floor and shaking her head. And that was the main reason she had no intention of looking back on anything. It hurt too much.

Then she looked up again, refusing to bring a hand to her eyes though they were stinging. "I haven't been mean." Well, she had the capacity to be much, much worse than she had been, at least. "I've stayed out of your way as much as I've been able to. And I am not making you feel anything on purpose. I also can't stop you from feeling anything you feel."

"You've been mean," he said, shrugging. He wasn't going to argue because it was the truth, capacity for being much meaner or not. To him, she'd been harsh and mean and it had left marks, non-physical as they might be.

"Can we not..." He stopped and sighed. "For this weekend, can we just pretend to be friendly? Please? After he's gone back, you can go back to thinking me an awful person and I'll go back to being sad."

"You're putting words in my mouth again. Or, thoughts in my head, or something." She shook her head, fidgeted a little, tried to breathe and clear her head. "I was trying to do that, you know."

Pretend to be friendly, she meant. Not putting words in his mouth, though she'd done that too before but she had a long way to go before she'd admit that out loud.

"If you admit that you've been putting words in my mouth, perhaps I'll do the same," Bod said, shaking his head. "Until then, I think we should just...try to not fight. We both don't want to be around each other but he's here and I don't want him to be lonely."

"He wouldn't be lonely even if we took turns," Kate replied, trying to find some gentle tone of voice even after everything, her eyes on the sleeping boy. He so didn't deserve any of this. "But I... guess you might be right."

Or maybe she was masochistically greedy for any details Dorian might share of his life, and wasn't betting on Bod telling her about much of what he heard if she wasn't around.

"Just think of it this way, Kate, do you want to explain to him why I'm not here when night falls?" Bod asked curiously. "I really don't want to tell him why you're not around in the early morning."

"I could... have come up with something." She had good verbal skills and she was an excellent liar these days, she though she might have pulled it off. Still, she shook her head and rubbed at one of her temples. "So, what? Are we going to have to, like... spend the night together?"

So getting wasted once this was all over and done with. This was horrible.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I'll stay here until he falls asleep for the night. And then I'll just come back early the next morning and bring breakfast like that's what I slipped out for. If he awakens in the middle of the night, you'll just need to distract him."

He'd thought about this already, yes.

"Okay good." Kate looked relieved, and almost grateful that he'd thought about it, because concentrating on those things was so much better than paying any attention to the slight hint of disappointment that slipped in uninvited. "Good. That's -- yes."

She had no idea what to do next.

"If he's like us, he shouldn't wake up," Bod said, taking his hand off the boy's head and folding his hands in his lap. "He'll be a heavy sleeper or, at least, he'll be able to fall back to sleep easily should he wake up."

He looked up at her and half smiled. "And he probably likes sweets quite a lot."

"And pudding," Kate replied. There wasn't even a ghost of a smile, but the thought was there. She sighed. "Good thing I stocked up."

"I don't know what to do until he wakes up," Bod said, shrugging. "I can leave, if you'd like. Explaining away my absence during a nap shouldn't be hard. I'd like to not ruin your entire weekend."

"I think that's too late now," Kate said, but it was light, resigned. She'd just have to make the most of it and get through it. "I can call you when he wakes up?"

"Ouch," he said, looking down as he got to his feet. He gave Dorian's head one more touch before he walked briskly to the door. "I'll speak with you later."

And then he was gone quickly.

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Room 324, Saturday Morning

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